"Its okay to throw away the toothbrushes", my Aunt Bonnie says, in a phone call last week. She knows, having lost her husband a year ago. It has been 2 weeks today since my mother died. I have not done anything with her things. My sister packed a few things that she had been promised. I walk into the room and look around and walk out.
I was in the bathroom that was Mom's and I thought I ought to at least throw away the toothbrushes, the polident and special cream that we used for skin breakage. I go in with a good intention, but leave without doing anything.
I mean these are things that no one else will ever use, and they certainly don't hold any nostalgic meaning. I don't know what holds me back. I miss her. I will get to these things, but can't say when.
It is all strange, because the clothes, the shoes;they aren't things I would wear and yet, it is hard to not have them. At least there is no need to hurry or make room for someone else. I am not asking for help, I can do this and I want to do it on my own.
Stuff is funny though, it has a life and a meaning of its own. As my oldest niece might say: "Blergh"
I kept my Mom's robe and wear it after I take a shower. It is old and out of date. Every time I look to buy aew one, they don't feel right. Maybe no other one will feel like my Mom giving me a hug! Deb
ReplyDeleteBlerg indeed. Just take your time. There are no rules.
ReplyDeletexoxox,Lori
PS - I hope you find a reason to keep blogging, even though this particular adventure is coming to a close. I really love your writing. (Lori again)
ReplyDeleteGloria, I can only imagine what you are going through. So much of your life was in caring for your mom. I know that you know that letting go is often a difficult process. I am praying that you let yourself have your grief process and are careful to suspend judgement of yourself. You were a good daughter and you love hard. The odds are you will grieve hard too. Just remember people care about you. I'm not home now, but if you ever need an ear I am more than willing to lend mine. I will be home by Wednesday. Regardless, I too hope you keep writing and editing isn't necessary. My love to you and your family. Bonnie Markham
ReplyDeleteGloria I love you!!... give yourself time to process. There is no time frame in sorting through your Mum's belongings. Just take care of yourself. The rest will come as it should. I hope that you continue to post... in caring for your Mum, the next step of your journey is to share your thoughts and feelings. Altho your Mum has crossed over, she is very much a part of your thoughts, and life. Sharing these things is just as important as sharing your experiences in caring for her. love you so much.
ReplyDeleteConstance