This probably looks like a blank photo. It is a actually a photo of my son's glass of Sprite that his daughter,my grand-daughter took on Thanksgiving. It looks like nothing is there. It is apt for what I feel these days.
My life had been so involved in the schedule of caregiving set by my Mother's needs. I thought that when she had passed, I would go back to the old way of life, but I don't know what it is anymore.
So on days that I don't actually have to actually be someplace, I kind of wander around the house, not doing anything constructive, still no clean up or out of the room Mom was in. I just feel rudderless, direction-less and foggy.
My husband says that both parents were such a huge part of our lives ALL of our lives that of course we feel a huge loss and emptiness. He feels confident that we will re-define ourselves and our lives. Maybe, but when?
I am capable of working when I am scheduled to and showing up when I have plans. Otherwise, I just want to stay in bed and read. I guess that's its own form of denial.
I am still writing I guess because a)so many of you asked me to and b) I am still finishing up the journey.
