The End of the Journey: The last blog

On December 18th, one week ago, my Mom got her wish and passed away. She had consistantly said that she had had an amazing life, with 2 wonderful husbands that she loved very much. She had had a wonderful circle of friends;she had enjoyed her children,her grandchildren and even great-grandchild.

Her husbands had preceded her in death, most all of her friends were gone and her world continued to narrow as both her eyesight AND hearing were very bad, probably because her bad heart had inhibited her oxygen flow.
We had talked about this frequently. In the last few weeks of her life, she had had less strength and getting her in and out of bed was getting harder and verging on my being unable to do this alone. She worried about that, although I told her that we were getting a new caregiver that could help me.

Just like her husband 3 years ago, on a Monday, she expressed to her Hospice nurse and doctor that she wanted to chose her date for passing. I think Wednesday morning, we had our last real conversation;I am sure it was of inconsequential things. She didn't respond or get up or eat again.

My brother called on Friday to say to pick him up that evening, he was on his way in. I expressed that we didn't know if she could or would rally. His response was pretty much, "see you tonight". On Saturday morning at 6:30 a.m. I was told that we would be able to have continuous care nurses. The first that arrived arranged the room, and then asked if I would like to help her bathe Mom. We each took a side and gently washed and lotioned Mom, changed her gown and combed her hair. The angel, er nurse, positioned her with lots of pillows and rolled up towels, so that no part of her would be uncomfortable in her fragile state. My cousins came out to say their good-byes. My son and his daughter came later in the day. Although we had not planned on having Toni come into the room, she was insistant on seeing "Little Grama" and "no" was not an option. Her whispered words to "Little Grama" stay in my heart and my memory.

The nurse shift changed at midnight. Something about that nurse made me feel like I could go to bed. It was the best night sleep that I had had for a month. At 6:30 a.m., she wakened all of us and said that things had changed. Mom stayed with us through the 8 a.m. shift when a young and very competant young woman arrived.

At 9:20 a.m. Mom took her last breath and the 3 of us let her go, hopefully to a wonderful,peaceful and easy place. Death takes a week and then a breath. It was weird.

The last angels, Dawn, Marcia and Britt were truely God sent. Debbie, her case nurse and Lynne her CNA always went above and beyond. Dottie our special Hospice Chaplain was a gentle guide till the very last. I did not get to know Mom's Social Worker, Paula well, but I know Mom appreciated her visits, with their heads together talking softly.

Life looks so different now and who knows how it will re-define itself? How the family re-adjusts its boundaries. This journey has been hard, easy, unexpected, beautiful and the best education I have ever had. Thank you Mom, it was amazing.