A Love Letter to my Husband

When I first talked to my Dad about moving in with us, he told me that he had negative memories of his grandmother living with his family when he was a boy. He felt it had been hard on his mother and hard on his parent's marriage. My husband and I thought we would be able to handle this.

I have been married to Arnie for 40 years. We were a blind date, fixed up by our mothers. They said just to show him around Phoenix, I didn't have to marry him, but I never listened to my Mom. People often ask how we manage to stay married for so long in this day and age; my answer is, we over look alot of stuff! We also believe we will never meet each others' needs all of the time. "Some days chickie,some days feathers", a man who used to work for us said.

Anyway, if ever there was something that really made me see my husband, it has been these last few years of care giving. I could not do this without him;some days I can't do it with him. He was amazing with my father in his last weeks, getting up 2 or 3 times a night to change him and help him clean up. He shaved him and cut his toenails. He sat with him all night the last night of his life, because he wanted to be with him.

My Mom is still a very big presence every minute of everyday. My days are basically taken up by moving her from one chair to another, to the bathroom, making a meal, going to the bathroom;laundry, dishes, answering the phone, the door,(mostly in regard to her care giving staff). The times that I go out or do anything without a paid caregiver here are only possible because of my husband. He watches t.v. with my Mom, he cooks for her, he helps her to the bathroom and has even had to go through the changing of her soiled clothes and readying her for bed. Last night, he took the drain out of the sink at 11:30 because she thought she had broken her bridge and lost a tooth. (It turned out she did not,I was actually too tired to to try the bridge in her mouth to see if indeed, it was broken.)

He is actually more patient with her than I am. Although he turned 70 this year and is a cancer survivor, he has never begrudged the tremendous life-style change or lack of attention and companionship from me.

The other evening, on a rare night out,I asked him if he thought my Mom would live a lot longer and he answered that he hoped she would. I asked why and he said because he liked having her around and if she is not in pain and happy to be with us, then he hoped she had some good years left.

He goes into her room each night to tuck her in, give her a kiss and tell her he loves her. Honey, if you read this, I love you! You may act like a grumpy guy, but you are, at heart, just a sweet, loving man. I hope I can give you some good years too. I appreciate everything you do;caring for the animals, the garden, the groceries. You are the best. (And you still make me smile when I look at you!)