When Cancer was convenient?

I know this is an odd thing to think about. My mind is "out there" at times though.

I have been interviewing some agencies to get a little extra day time coverage. I don't know if I will need to start driving my husband to his radiation treatments at some point. I also would like to feel like I can work outside without worrying about my Mom. Sometimes I go out to do a few things in the yard or the studio, out of sight for 10 minutes, after checking on Mom. When I see that she is sleeping soundly, I dash out, to take care of something. Like a psychic link..........she awakes when I am out of sight....and I come in to find her struggling to get into her wheel chair to do something...either find the dog, or use the restroom...or looking for me. It scares the H out of me.

Anyway, although this cancer is a more treatable one than my husband dealt with 6 years
ago, it seems harder in many ways for me. I can't be as involved or helpful. Yes I am taking over as many chores as I can,but I can't be with him. I don't know the doctors like I did before.(Could be because we had to CHANGE doctors, since his insurance was no longer accepted at the previous hospital.)

Oddly though I was thinking, it was easier before....my parents were both alive and living in their apartment, mostly self sufficient. My grand-daughter was a baby and I didn't feel like if I weren't a part of her life on a regular basis she would forget me. We were younger, our family was younger....I don't know, as scarey as it was.....it just seemed easier to go with Arnie everywhere and be sitting there while he had treatment...now he goes by himself and I hope he knows I am thinking of him..