My father, Leonard, not to be confused with my step-dad Bob, was a person that I remember being terrified of. He died when I was in my 20's, just after my daughter's 1st birthday. (She will be 40 this year,just to give you some reference.)
My father had had polio and spinal meningitis when my sister was around 3 and I was not yet born. He was hospitalized for a year in an isolated ward outside of Cleveland. My Mom had to travel by train to visit him. I know from what others said that this really drastically changed his personality. My Mom has said that at that time there were no social services that helped the patient and family re-enter into their life. I realize that he went from being a virile athlete to a man with a back brace, leg brace and either a cane or crutches, depending on how well he felt.
As I said, I was always frightened of my father, I remember trying to get through a room without him noticing me and that was a relief if I could manage. I also remember him being quiet,if we were driving somewhere, he wasn't one to chatter, or someone to fill in a silence with just idle chit-chat. I took that to be a mixture of his disapproval,disdain,or anger toward me. I also felt afraid to ask him anything, it always seemed to annoy him.
I have realized lately how much I love quiet and alone time. It is not a reflection of anyone else but just a need for a shut down of the idle chatter that is such a big part of the day. I love mornings before everyone gets up, I love spending time reading quietly by myself, I love just hanging out with my horse and breathing with him. No need to say a word.I,too, get tired of too many questions. I realize that it is just folks wanting to make a little conversation, or learn something. I just want to be left in the quiet.
It is not a statement against anyone or anything, just a respite. I think I now understand my father. The quiet is refreshing not angry. I never thought I was anything like him,but it appears that I am.
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