Have a Heart!

In their February newsletter John C. Lincoln had this zinger: " Caregivers who are overly stressed during the time they care for someone will usually die within a year after the person dies". Yikes....in addition, the newspaper last week had an article about stress and talked about Cortisol, the fight or flight hormone. I looked it up on the internet and thought this was pertinant.Cortisol affects sugar levels, bone density,immunity, energy levels, heart functions...and so on. The article also said:
"Prolonged high levels of cortisol can lead to heart disease and other health problems." In addition: "Unfortunately, in our current high-stress culture, the body’s stress response is activated so often that the body doesn’t always have a chance to return to normal, resulting in a state of chronic stress."

And so, you might ask, what causes my stress? Things like being on call 24 hours a day;not finishing most of the things I start, because I need to stop to do something else; not getting to jump in the car to grocery shop, bank, have coffee with a friend without planning for someone to be here with my Mom;answering the same question over and over;having extra people in the house constantly no matter how nice they are;mopping bathroom floors at 11:30 p.m. and ad infinitum. Oh and the added stress of feeling guilty for all the above feelings.

When I finally go to the cardiologist in 2 weeks, I won't be surprised if "something" is going on, but I am stressing over what to do about it. My chest pains are a "pre-existing condition" on a policy that I couldn't afford to keep. My "catastrophic health care policy" which I am hoping will carry me into medicare, pays for the basic stuff,(even if they waive the pre-exisitng)...they pay little for hospital stays, surgery,etc. Least this sound (horrors) political, I might add that yes I have and do look for a job so I could buy better health care. I have tried to apply for weekend or overnight work but have not even an interview.Weekends or nights would allow me to still care for Mom most of the time. Surprisingly when I applied for seasonal at a craft store, although I am a juried painter, I make extra money designing and making jewelry, I can sew,and needlepoint, I never even got a callback for an interview. My husband is a 70 year old cancer survivor, not best job prospect (although I have visions of him driving a school bus: the kids would get to school in record time in additon to a whole new salty vocabulary!)

And the sneakiest thoughts come in: after caring for Mom.....I don't think I want to live long anyway.