A degree of understanding.

Sometimes, at night when I am really tired, I get on the verge of being full out annoyed. That would be counter productive and also give me another reason to have to make amends.

My Mom does not like to go to bed until every possible t.v. show has been watched, at least the good ones. Then she has to straighten each thing up in her room, re-comb her hair (why, when one is getting ready to go bed where it will be mussed again? She carefully brushes her teeth. Her pillow has to be in a certain position, and the seam must be at the top with the open end of the case facing the wall. Always. The bed pads have to be re- positioned and smoothed, and not too high up the bed or too low down the bed. Then she gets in, and I tuck her in and put her toy kitty in her arms. I am usually seeing double by then, but try to be patient and not allow any body language to tell my emotions. I want to have her go to sleep with us on the best of terms...so if she were to get her wish and not wake up the next day.. I wouldn't hate myself up for not being kind the night before.

What has allowed me to be patient at this point, is the realization that maybe putting off going to bed until the very last minute, is her way of savoring each last minute of being alive in case she does get her desire and passes gently in her sleep. When I look at things that way, having things just so makes sense. I can be patient forever.