Tolerance and Love

Last week my husband suggested that we make arrangements to pick up one of Mom's friends for the day. He had listened as they spoke on the phone. Since her friend, who is now 82 no longer drives, they had not seen each other in over a year. So I drove into Phoenix, picked up the friend and she, Mom and I had lunch out and then came back to the house.

I had asked some friends over for dinner that night too to celebrate Shabbat. My last words to hubby was a request to clear his computer and papers off of the dining room table so I could set when I got home.

When we walked in, he had removed the front piece of the television cabinet so the
t.v. could be dusted. It was on the t.v. room floor with his tools. He was in the process of washing the floors. I thought I would either stroke out or commit murder. He ends up angry at me for being so demanding and unappreciative. Mom and her friend hastily retreat to the living(if two 80 year olds can hastily do anything).

Things not only ended well that day, with everything being put together and clean but also with a freshly baked bobka (coffee cake) for dessert(made by him, not me).

Here is the point of the matter, my husband could not have been sweeter or kinder to Mom and her friend. He took her home to Phoenix after 8 o'clock, an hour plus round trip. When he returned home, he said how interesting his conversations with Mom's friend were. He had enjoyed her company. We had a lovely evening with our friends too.
All the aggravation of the day was over rode by the kindness this man shows others, there is always something beautiful that outweighs my complaints. That's how it has worked for me for 40 years. Thanks Arnie for all of it.(and for putting up with me too).

I guess I am not ready............

In my quest to find things that re-store me to me (as per new bible Passages for Caregivers). I signed up to take a Souls in Transition class. I didn't realize that the class would be taught by a medium, who communicates with the other side and also helps police find missing people. Two of my friends accompanied me to the class. It was a varied group of people, some were health care workers, some hospice volunteers, parents of murdered children, caregivers who had lost friends and family. The class itself was taught by a lovely and nationally known woman, who I realized later, reminds me alot of Kristen Chenowith.

One of the basic things that she addressed was why some souls seem to linger on,long past the time that even their doctors would have deemed possible. Why? According to our teacher, there are often a number of reasons; she told an amazing story of a woman in a coma who couldn't let go until her brother showed up,she didn't want him to feel guilty about not being there to say good-bye. So often there is a need for the dying to complete something;sometimes there is a transitioning between this physical world and the next:alot of going back and forth and sometimes the people on this plane are unwilling to let go.

As I was telling my sister about the class, I came to the realization that I am unwilling to let my Mom go. Even after some really hard days;after times that I am exhausted beyond belief;being back at this time to daily bed linen changing, washing and sometimes disposing of; after answering the same question over and over; and after taking her to the bathroom over and over.......I still can't imagine my life without her at this point. At some level, according to the teacher,her soul knows that....my soul has made that clear to hers. Do I believe this??? Well, I do believe that I am unwilling to let go and that shocks the heck out of me.